Late New Year... Late New Blog!

I have been medicationless for two whole months... and dont I know it! This is the last night before I get my "liquid gold" again and I realised how much this medication is doing for me. I LOVE TYSABRI!!! The last two months hav shown me where my MS would be without it and how it affects me, and putting aside the pain, itchy legs, diming of eye sight, dizziness and HORRENDOUS CRONIC FATIGUE the worste thing was definitly my frame of mind. at present it is awful. I feel just so... down, my confidence in creating work has completely dissapeared. I feel everything I do is wrong or silly and i find my concentration drifting in and out. I know now this is my MS and cant be helped (without tysabri) but its the utter dissapoinment i have created in my mind from others, my tutors, my friends, my family and not forgetting complete strangers. this dragged me down so far in the last few years until I just gave up. I know its all in my head but how is tht not real if I'm experiencing it?? Well tomorrow I know I will feel back to my normal self, not just putting the mask on and pretending and laughing and pushing myself to contribute utter rubbish to a conversation because my mind can barely function. And I have decided to make a change! I will get my blog properly going, I will keep it updated (I reackon every couple of days is a good managable aim, though everyday if I can manage it) I will not take my health for granted. I will work my bum off for the rest of the year and not let the fact I cant go to UNI straight afte this course (because I have to take another longer break from my medication. getting it flushed out my system and have been told I will most likely relapse rather quickly and horribly)get me down! so whats a year? it might be a pretty horrid year, but I have pulled through it before, and can do it again! MS has taken; MY HEALTH MY CONFIDENCE MY FRIENDS MY MOTORBIKE MY TRUST MY 20/20 VISIOM MY CONTROL MY BALANCE MY FIGURE and so much more..... but it will not take ART FROM MY LIFE!!!! So this is me going to turn everytihn around. I will not take my health for granted, I will use the good days to do what I want while i can! Also one of my tutors said to me she wishes she had the chance to have a blog and see all her old work on it. I tohught when I am all cripped and useless I can look back with fond memories at the blog I have created and kept. Needed to actualy write all this down to convice my mind that it was right. So you will see alot more posts form now on! (if anyone reads this!)